Living my best life
I feel guilty for talking about so much negative stuff recently. Illness and hospital and blood and grief. A good while ago I decided I was only going to talk about positive things online and keep thoughts about serious things private, mainly because of how devastatingly I internalise things if I don’t do that. But I feel like I slipped from that a lot recently. It would’ve been wrong not to mention that Pickle and Ozzy died, and weird not to mention something as significant as my hospital stay for Cushing’s, but I still feel like I’ve been moaning too much.
I promise you, I’m living my best life. My life is literally as good as it’s possible for it to get at this exact moment.
Yeah, life didn’t go exactly as planned. I always wanted to be the breadwinner and do so many things. But instead I got ill af, and it was always going to be that way because my main disability is inherited. I was born with this inevitability, I didn’t fuck anything up. And ending up with a brutal endocrine disease affecting my mind, body, and appearance was just unfortunate.
Against all odds I found my wonderful husband. The only person I can tolerate being in my space. Not only that, but being in hospital made it hit home how much I actually need to be around him every day. There are other people in my life that I love, but no offence, I need them to go home after I’ve seen them lol. My husband provides and cares for me every single day and I am so lucky. Every day I think about how different my life would be without his hard work. He’s the only person who understands whatever I’m going on about.
We own our home. It’s in an absolutely beautiful place next to a stream full of frogs who are always coming into our garden (and sometimes, through the back door). Dragonflies, bats, deer, and foxes are some of the other visitors. We are so unbelievably lucky to have this home. Yes, we’re about a decade behind everyone else owning one. We still aren’t rich. But we found our way home once the house was ready for us.
I don’t really leave my house or do much with my life. I “get” to stay at home all the time. The price for that is life-altering pain. But I’m doing everything that I can possibly be doing with my life right now. I’m lucky that I can sit here making my own content creation work for myself, and go back to bed when I need to. I have what I need. And when I am stuck in bed, I have the best possible bed to be stuck in. I adore our bed and the mattress is insanely comfortable.
I wasn’t expecting her to drop into my life, but I am so lucky to have Vix. I call her my “destiny-bestie” for a reason. There’s just absolutely no way a higher power wasn’t involved in putting us together. We are so fucking funny and daft together. She taught me what actual friendship is. She genuinely loves and cares for me. Conversations with her aren’t a set-up to make fun of me later. She’s just actually my friend with no ulterior motives. When I’m wrong and stupid she tells me to my face, instead of telling everyone BUT me. We can go a while without being able to hang but we just pick up where we left off, being complete idiots.
And because of Vix, I also met Vily. Who is so funny and smart and beautiful. I can’t imagine not having her in my life.
I am only a small creator but I adore my community and the people I’ve met. They’ve truly changed my life and brought me such joy. SUCH fucking joy.
So don’t you worry, I am living my best life. I lack the physical and mental energy for doing all the things I’d like to do with life, but I have such a sense of inner peace. It took me until I was almost 34 to get it, but I’ve got it now. Just going one day at a time, trying to be happy, and having fun when the opportunity presents itself.
Please enjoy a frog:
