Under better weather

Thought I’d better write something on here again. I will spam y’all with photos shortly but first, I may as well write some boring text-based news.

I’ve been having some spates of feeling better and getting out of bed more, and I think it’s because it’s been sunny. I’ve probably talked about weather pressure 5 millions times but yeah.

Going in the car still makes me wants to go to bed though, which sucks when I have appointments coming out of my ears. I went to a surgery consultation for cubital and carpal tunnel problems. For some reason, the doctor poking the area where my nerve was and just talking about it made me get really hot and sick. They had to get me a sick bowl and everything. I don’t think it was a POTS reaction because it really wasn’t that warm in the room. He was just describing how cutting something in my wrist would relieve pressure on a nerve there, and that was apparently the last straw, I started heaving. And the whole time I was thinking “What the fuck? Why am I being like this?”

I hate getting more squeamish as I get older. How am I even going to have surgery if I’m like this? I have a delayed/reduced response to local anaesthetic so if they only numb the arm, not only might I still feel some of it and freak out (like when I could feel the doctor stitching my finger up), but even if I don’t and I suddenly want to sit up and vomit, I’ll just have this floppy arm beside me with a sharp blade in it while I’m heaving and bleeding everywhere and it sounds like a nightmare.

But of course, being completely put under is also terrifying. I’m not certain my heart won’t just pack up because it’s under so much strain at the moment. Also I heard about anaesthesia awareness a few years ago and think about it every now and then.

To be honest I’m getting dizzy right now thinking about it and these are things I just am not strong enough to deal with. People have told me in the past they think I’m strong because of other medical stuff, but sorry you are mistaken. Going through unpleasant stuff doesn’t make the next unpleasant thing easier, it’s just not how it works for me. If anything, it gets worse. Used to be totally nonchalant about blood tests, now I need to lie down and heave. I am weak as fuck and I need to work around it somehow.

Aside from all that, I’m worried about doing something hideously daft when coming around from anaesthesia. I read a story a while ago about a woman who randomly squatted and peed in front of her surgeon because she felt that loopy. I’ve talked embarrassing enough nonsense just on IV pain relief so what the hell am I gonna do under anaesthetic.

Another thing going on is that I’ve been offered the drug Topiramate to help with both migraines and mental health problems. However, Topiramate causes birth defects. “I’ve already been born” was my immediate response, but apparently, although it’s not illegal yet, it’s soon going to be illegal to prescribe it to women who don’t have a contraceptive implant, and apparently my GP doesn’t trust me not to carry a deformed baby to term in the mean time, so I’ve got to get an implant just to take this tablet.

I don’t want something in my uterus again for reasons I probably already talked about dozens of times, so that leaves me with getting a squicky thing in my arm called Nexplanon. Just so I can take a tablet which may or may not even help.

But there’s an ADDITIONAL problem on top of this. I may as well let the cat out of the bag at this point.
It’s suspected I’ve had something called Cushing’s Disease for at least the past 10 years, in short this is a tumour on the base of my brain releasing too much of a certain hormone, which in turn makes glands on my kidneys produce too much of the stress hormone, cortisol. This makes me gain and hold fat specifically in my abdomen, double chin, and upper body. It’s also responsible for pretty much all of my health problems except for the connective tissue disease I was born with (and probably the secondary conditions like Dysautonomia/POTS, although I think my POTS reactions/episodes have got worse because of Cushing’s).

A lot of problems will resolve after they remove the tumour and weight is generally lost after a 12-month recovery period. Surgery to remove these tumours is obviously risky and they won’t do it without absolute proof that it is causing specific hormones in specific amounts, and this involves multiple rounds of extensive testing. Including sinus sampling which is just, Jesus Christ.

So yeah, we don’t know how having a Nexplanon in just so I can take a pill will affect Cushing’s, the investigation of Cushing’s, or if the medication is even safe with it etc. etc. And this adds additional complications for both surgeries. It’s all a bit of a nightmare.

I’ve started to edit down past streams (e.g. remove downtime/repetition/times I died 20 times) and put them on YouTube. Video editing on a laptop is slow as fuck so it’s a pain in the ass. When I eventually get a gaming PC I’ll have to use it for video editing as well. Anyway here are some I put up so far.

This guy was named Michael and I had to shout his name like 50 actual times.
I *think* I enjoyed Devour, but it was very intense.
She’s always fucking standing there when you don’t expect it.
Whoops.
A game of Phasmo that was, in comparison, very relaxing.

In my head I mentally refer to Phasmophobia character models by the names that I think they look like, if that makes any sense. 
I decided to write them down, anyway.

An Asylum strategy we tried to use. The rear of the green arrows is the initial placement for sound sensors, with the squares being their rough range. I was player 3 last time. We instantly got hits on my sensor so focused down there instead of moving them all along, and it turned out he was actually in area 1 but had a 2-floor range.

Will and me are playing Spiritfarer on dates at the moment.

Got this nice box which fits perfectly in my Nesna table.
My laptop has been broken for so long I just need someone to screw it back togetherrrrr.
Thought this was pretty cool. 
Valentine’s Day nachos.
Treated us to new pillows for Valentine’s as well. They are the Silentnight Deep Sleep pillows and they are thiccc. They are a 4 (out of 10) on Silentnight’s firmness scale but I find mine plenty firm enough. 
I also got these pillow protectors to put over them but under the weekly pillowcases. I hate it when pillows get yellow or when dust mites etc. get in them, but I also hate that if you do put the pillow in the wash every 6 months, it’s never as nice after washing as it was when you first got it. So hopefully keeping these on will keep the pillows from needing to be washed for longer, and if I try washing them inside the protectors when the time comes, maybe that will help too.
Most of all I love that they aren’t like mattress protectors, they feel nice and they don’t trap heat in or make crinkling noises!
Highly flattering picture of Charlie and me. He’s really into putting his butthole in my face at the moment.
Lovely picture of lovely Joop.

And here’s an Instagram story train I jumped on. Obviously, the gifs don’t work in these screenshots.
There aren’t really any gifs for Hampshire, so, football logo it is.