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I’m so tired

Yo it’sa me Letti. Last week we streamed Nightmare Creatures, a childhood game close to my heart, and Twitch will keep the stream for a few more days. I wish they kept them longer because there’s always loads of little funny moments that aren’t worth making clips of but are still nice.


Unfortunately I can’t preview if embedding clips works before I publish in the editor’s current incarnation, so apologies if there’s nothing here, I tried.

<iframe src="https://clips.twitch.tv/embed?clip=HelpfulEasyTardigradeTheRinger&parent=www.lettislife.com" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="true" scrolling="no" height="378" width="620"></iframe>

If not, here’s the clip I attempted to put in.


There’s not really much else going on because it’s cold, we’re in a lockdown, and going out sucks anyway. 


Whatever is happening to me I’m pretty sure I’m getting into the end stages of it. Maybe I’m just a bit delirious from my injections wearing off but I genuinely feel like I’m dying. I can barely pull myself together for a couple of hours of streaming. I’m just so fucking tired.

We’ve recently come to an accidental revelation of what I am 100% sure has been my problem the whole time. It just ticks so many boxes, it’s ridiculous. I won’t go into it yet because it’s going to take ages to go through the battery of tests required, in a fucking pandemic. I might need to go into hospital for some of them because of the odd hours they need to extract blood samples. I’m already meant to be having surgery on a trapped nerve at some point.

Basically my entire endocrine system was probably fucked by this monster at least 10 years ago, if not longer, and long term survival even after successful surgery is piss-poor, sometimes as bad as 30%.

The frustrating part is that somebody should have noticed. I have seen so many doctors for so many things. I have had so many body parts scanned. And yet nobody NOTICED something so dangerous. Especially annoying is that my old GP actually thought I had a related but opposite condition for a while. If she thought of that one, she should have thought of the actual thing and screened for that, instead years later I found out about it by accident. It’s fatal if untreated and you don’t live that much longer if you do treat it anyway.

Even though I have an underlying connective tissue disease and nervous system that doesn’t manage itself properly, I still might’ve avoided needing the wheelchair if someone had spotted this. My body has been absolutely crushed and pummelled by what happened and I just wish somebody looked hard enough to see it.

I’m tired and pissed off about it.



New girl crush:

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