Posted On June 25, 2020
- What does your dream life look like?
We own our own home, probably via shared-ownership. We’ve lovingly set up and decorated the house and garden and we are content and happy all the time at home. We have a happy family life with a big focus on our animals. We have cats, dogs, snails, seahorses, and poultry in the garden (possibly after getting a restrictive covenant on the lease removed). We still love hosting and we see our friends every couple of weeks. We go camping or on holiday sometimes when people can look after the animals who have to stay home, but we are very much homebodies. Everyone is happy with their jobs, and though I don’t expect a miraculous cure for my conditions, I still get to do some work every couple of months, probably some form of acting or voice work. We are happy.
- What does your ideal day look like?
I wake up at a time where the day isn’t wasted but I also feel as rested as possible. My husband might help me have a shower or we might’ve had one the night before. We assess and sort out all the animals and anything pressing in the house. I have a purpose for my day that I feel prepared for, whether it’s housework, shopping, taking a dog on a walk, seeing a friend, or going out for a small job. I pace myself to maintain my energy, and I keep my mood up. I make time for running about on a videogame, and maybe fit in a bit of a hobby like knitting or reading. We have dinner as a family. Maybe we watch a movie or sit outside with drinks. Will and me go upstairs to hang out before we want to sleep and we do something like watch a TV show in bed. We fall asleep next to each other. I am happy.
- Where do you see yourself in 6 months? A year? 5 years? 10 years?
In 6 months, we’re having a happy Christmas and looking to the year ahead.
In a year, we’ve saved a lot of money towards a house deposit and are looking at properties.
In 5 years, we’ve long been in our own house, and we’re still saving money for projects, trips, and staircasing to get the freehold.
In 10 years, we’ve had children if we’re going to, and we’ve staircased on the house at least once.
- What do you know to be true today that you didn’t know a year ago?
That we really can’t sit around and wait for money to fall out of the sky, it is never going to be the “right” time to do anything, we just have to start doing it.
- In this moment, what are four things you’re grateful for?
My husband and soulmate.
My best friend/significant woman/girlfriend/probably female soulmate.
All the wonderful animals in our lives.
The invention of the oscillating fan.
- What limiting beliefs are holding you back from living your dream life?
That I definitely need another packet of crisps to cope with my stress level.
That things will just work out for me eventually if I am not constantly working towards them.
That I need to constantly think about whether what I’m doing or saying is going to make people like me or not.
- What distractions are hindering your productivity?
I think my productivity is generally hindered by being stuck at home most of the time whether there’s a lockdown or not, and by my general lack of independence and energy. Also I really need my injections again.
- What actions can you take today to simplify your life?
Probably not much today specifically but I am slowly organising all our possessions and trying to store and use things in a simpler, more sense-making way.
- When do you feel most in tune with yourself?
Playing a game, sitting in the garden at the right time of day, relaxing and reading the right thing. Also when I when I’m in Israel I just don’t have any of my usual anxieties, I don’t know how it works but I just feel totally free and don’t think about people judging me.
- If you could talk to anyone dead or alive, it would be _______ because _______?
I’d feel more comfortable not answering this question.
- Write down your top 10 goals to complete by the end of the year.
– Turn an enemy back into a neutral stranger. Either hash out what we both think happened (probably the worse idea because it will just upset everyone again), or just clear the air and agree not to think about it again. And then I can stop thinking about it every day of my life.
– Make significant progress with savings.
– Lose more weight and generally stop thinking about food.
– Not worry about other people’s ignorance about things that affect me and just keep myself safe in immediate terms.
– Have an amazing Halloween regardless of the current virus situation. Don’t have a movie in mind yet, might just chill and drink with everyone we miss.
– Use my sewing machine.
– Grow more houseplants.
– Learn to knit mitered squares.
– Start on the Hue Shift Afghan.
– Have a good winter.
- Who do you look up to the most? Why?
I’m not sure I look up to anyone at the moment.
- If someone else described you what do you think they’d say? Why?
Loud, laughs too much.
- What does happiness mean to you?
I’ve already talked about that a lot here. Basically I want permanent home stability.
- How have you changed in the last 5 years?
I’ve definitely chilled out and learned to be a bit more human. Learned not to react so much. Sometimes people are just truly ignorant and not trying to hurt you. Sometimes people will stir a bit even somebody is trying to hurt you. Basically I’ve learned to try and stay happy and not get sucked into so much drama. Sometimes it’s better to leave the weird thing someone has said hanging there, because trying to fight it can make it worse.
- If today was your last day, what would you do?
Rest in bed with my husband and dog.
- If you could give advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Keep to yourself and focus on your future. You don’t know about everything you’ll want yet so just try and keep going. Don’t try to impress everyone and always be right. Don’t try to make people like you. Devote time to what you are truly interested in and focus on being a good friend to those who understand you. You can’t change the bullies no matter how much you bend over. You’ve unavoidably got some weird things going on about yourself so just try and make the best of it and keep moving forward. Try and get savings going early on, even though your parents won’t really let you pursue work.
Your parents are abusive and you won’t realise how abnormal their behaviour is until you’re an adult and a community on a website informs you it’s called narcissistic abuse. Rapings and beatings fuck you up but something about the sheer absurdity of the conversations and actions you’re on the receiving end of, fucks you up and haunts your dreams much more. There’s no avoiding it, you can only try and subtly fight for independence. One day you’ll have a husband who loves you who will wake you up when you scream in your sleep.
By the time you hit 20 your disability will come down on you like a ton of bricks. So do a lot of climbing and exploring while you can. Also, don’t turn to food when this happens. P.S. veganism and communism suck, turn your life around.
- How do you spend your Sundays?
Like I spend most days, really.
- What do you need more of in your life?
Good-health days. Honest friends who just like having a good hang-out and don’t get involved in cloak-and-dagger.
- If you could have any 3 things in the world, what would they be?
My own home. Genuine happiness. A fruitful career.
- Describe in great detail what 5 years from now looks like.
I already talked about it further up really.
- What are 10 things you love about yourself? Why?
Don’t think I can come up with 10. I think I can be compassionate about difficult things and there’s really not a lot I wouldn’t do for my friends. I’m not the best friend in the world ever but I really will try.
- What are you most grateful for in your life?
Finding my husband and my dog.
- What activities set your soul on fire?
Playing a good videogame, watching a good horror movie, hosting Halloween, looking at alphabets or old places, doing some amateur interior design.
- How can you feel more fulfilled in your life?
By doing the stuff I want to get done.
- If you couldn’t fail, what would you do?
- What do you need more of in your life? Less of?
I feel like I’ve already covered this.
- What are your best qualities?
- If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
I would go almost everywhere to see the ancient and new places.
- What’s your dream job?
Acting in and working on stuff I’m truly passionate about.
Anyway here are some Pinterest boards I’ve been working on for our future house:
Game/ movie room:
Spencer mansion (Resident Evil 1) style room.
Generally Persian/Phoenician/Greek/Ancient/Heraldry vibes with ruby-coloured walls.
Eclectic room with purple walls and Indian, Toltec, Moroccan, and bohemian themes.
Bathroom(s) & WC:
General Ancient Egyptian theme, reddish-purple walls with some gold and blue accents.
I like “Shaker style” units but beyond that I’ve not really thought about a theme description for this room. It also depends on the final layout for the house we buy as to whether the dining area is a separate endeavour.
Master bedroom – general chinoiserie with some other ancient elements, tealy walls.
Garden & Outside:
Basically I want a lot of Delphiniums, Hollyhocks, Lupins, Foxgloves, Hydrangeas, and Sunflowers shooting upwards.
I truly love colour.
And here are two Instagram accounts from other people who are definitely me from the future: