Radio silence
I apologise for it but I also may as well cut to the chase about why. I have a stalker. An actual, real psychopath who surfaces every two years like clockwork and throws unmitigated rage at me for a few months until they forget about me again. They escalate a bit more every time. Last time they came to my house, pounded on my door like mad for a while, and then ran off, which I saw from the window that looked onto the door at 90 degrees.
I’ve moved house a few times since then but I’m certain he’s doing everything he can to find me again. He’s found personal stuff of mine online that he shouldn’t have been able to find but I suppose serial stalkers have their ways. And he keeps obsessively refreshing the post about my wedding day for reasons I can’t imagine.
We’ve never actually met, but he’s got all these weird stories about me full of imagined slights. He will go in circles forever if you tell him something didn’t happen so I learned not to engage a long time ago. Just immediately block whatever new accounts he makes and send screenshots to the police.
This time he’s been lifting photos of me from my social media and just posting them on his pages. He also posts links to any random sites of mine with usually zero context, he seems to be encouraging other people to go after me but aside from a couple of weirdos who I’m pretty sure were just him, I’ve got messages from his other victims. He seems to have different months of the year set aside for harassing different people and it’s truly batshit.
He meets the requirements for being prosecuted for stalking several times over, and I’m still waiting for the police to do something. Then again I had an ex who met the requirements, who kept standing outside our house when Will and me moved in together, Kadek lived in the flat above us at the time and even saw him, but still a whole lot of nothing ever ended up happening. I don’t think they like to act until the woman is actually dead. Maybe if police officers who didn’t arrest stalkers before the victim died also served a prison term then they might feel more like doing something about it.
Meanwhile the sleepless nights I’ve gotten from this total cunt have fucked my pattern entirely and I can’t sleep at night even when I want to. Doing a lot of gaming when I’m not having a migraine which is at least somewhat cathartic.
I don’t feel like I can post online at the moment because he’s just going to steal my photos.
I’m also really fucking tired of feeling so cut off from people. I miss Kadek. I miss having people over (no-one has even seen our house since we moved!). I miss sitting around the garden table at 2am having a stupidly deep conversation that turns into a really good night. I just miss people. I know various people keep up with me on here and even though I just write for myself and don’t really picture anyone reading it, this week I really just want to put something out there that others (non-stalkers) might receive in their brain, if that makes any sense.
So yeah even though I shouldn’t really poke my head out on here I just want to tell boring stories about my day to people I actually love.
I managed to figure out Ikea’s Pax planner this week after being totally confused by it in the past. I’m using my mother-in-law’s freestanding wardrobe at the moment because she has a built-in one in her room, and the one in ours will only fit Will’s stuff in it. It’s a lovely wardrobe but I can’t get my stuff in it in a way that sparks joy. I think it stems from the fact I have hanging contraptions to organise stuff like bags and hats, and they don’t hang so nicely with clothes. It’s a really boring story but yeah anyway, I designed some Pax wardrobes for us that might actually work. They are expensive though and would come after we bought our house and had a bedroom wall to fit them on.
Love the doors though.
I’ve been doing a lot of Tomb Raider, again. I played Legend and Underworld again and I forgot how fucking frustrating the grenades are.
I’ve always had vague ideas about streaming it when I try to drunkenly marathon a Tomb Raider in one night. No idea how to hook the PS3 up to a computer but me and Katy might attempt it at some point.
Here’s some pet spam:
Things were clearly not going well with the pineapple plant that Kadek gifted me. It was still drinking water but the leaves just looked dreadful. Apparently when this kind has grown a (non-edible) pineapple, it dies off. So I couldn’t understand why the plant was still taking in the water if it was dead. Well, I depotted it and it turned out there were some little rattoons growing underneath the expired plant. I also managed to plant the top of the new pineapple, which will hopefully root and grow a plant itself.
Clothing donation bins are sealed off at the moment, probably because there’s no one to empty them. But I’ve got a pile of stuff I’m decluttering that will eventually go to them. Eventually when I’ve lost more weight I want to have a capsule wardrobe that’s basically only a couple of each kind of clothing that will all get worn all the time instead of taking up space.
They say if you have trouble letting go of something, you should take a photo of it. So here are two purses I’m struggling to get rid of! They are both sized for children, anyone older than a toddler wouldn’t get them over their head, and the pockets aren’t even as wide as a debit card, they are literally completely useless. But really adorable all the same. I would say we could keep them for our children, but they’d be taking up space in the meantime and our kids would want something new at the time.
People are so ignorant right now and I can’t deal with the stress.
In all the clusterfucks going on right now people seem to want to use social media to prove how anti-racist they are, which is weird when some of those people have short memories about the time they chose a racist over you. You can’t do a single fucking thing about the way people are.