- It’s just been Christmas and that kind of ruins everything.
- It’s not fair on my husband, who just married me after 8 entire years of keeping me alive.
- My dog won’t understand why I didn’t wake up/ vanished.
- Will might not know how to take care of Joop properly.
- Will won’t understand that I can honestly love him and yet not bear being alive.
- I might actually stop being so overwhelmed by the feeling of scrutiny that makes me put everyone important to me on my Restricted list on Facebook because I can’t bear the thought of them seeing my activity.
- I might stop wishing for a time machine to take me back to moments when I met people so I can not strike up a conversation with them and therefore never fuck things up with them.
- I might stop crying at that Lord Huron song.
- I might stop falling in love with people left, right, and centre.
- I might stop hurting about the person I keep the current time in Tokyo displayed on my phone screen for.
- I might not lose my mind more and more each year as we approach March.
- This year something finally happened with someone I’ve loved for years, and maybe, I’ll manage not to destroy everything between us.
- Maybe I don’t need to disappear entirely in order for my husband to have a better life.
- Maybe everyone doesn’t despise me as much as I think they do, or maybe I’ll just stop thinking about it.
- Maybe I’ll learn to stop doing all the things I currently do. Maybe I’ll figure out how to be a human that people actually like.
- I still haven’t figured out an accessible method that won’t go terribly. I’m not going to be on any rooftops any time soon.
Reasons to kill myself this week:
- Everything above is bollocks and everybody will decompress with relief when my body is found.
I know nobody will see this post but I guess I wanted to get it out. I’m very aware that I’m talking to nobody.