Most followers will not want to read this post, but I need to have a ramble about my latest period, and this is my site so I’m gonna do it anyway.
I’m gonna talk about blood and stuff, so, you’ve been warned.
I don’t know if losing 20lbs has kickstarted my menstruation again or if it’s just a coincidence, but I am basically having the biggest period of my life.
I’m pretty sure I was in year 5 at school when mine started. I remember fainting in the bathroom because I felt so weak, and then I spent the day in bed because it hurt so much, but we had bunk beds and I didn’t have the energy to climb up to mine, so it was actually my sister’s bed that I stayed on.
I have had some pretty horrendous periods in my time. No point in recounting them.
I had a bad pregnancy almost a decade ago now, I got really ill and wound up with trophoblasts and fibroids in my uterus, which caused a lot of horrendous pain and bleeding on their own. It was a horrible time all around.
When all that was over, I was given an IUS, not only to make sure that I couldn’t get pregnant again for the foreseeable future (at least 5 years) but also because it would keep the uterine lining thin, reduce chances of growths proliferating, and the drug in it also apparently helped in some way but I forget the details.
The IUS was taken out a few years ago; I didn’t get a replacement because it would have overlapped with the time that Will and me would think about having a child, and also they can reduce weight loss.
Initially I did start having periods again (definitely didn’t miss them) but then they mysteriously stopped. That seems to be because of ovarian cysts and PCOS.
The past few years, I’ve been getting very sparse and occasional periods and it’s pretty much impossible to predict when they’ll come. I got one at the beginning of April, which wasn’t too bad, but it explained why my boobs blew up when I was taking my measurements for the month.
Although we were still in April, I started getting another one last week, which explained why I noticed that my breasts were ridiculously sore when I was at Kadek’s party (whenever I spasmed or shivered in the cold, my boobs stung!).
I’m still on that period, going into May. And it SUCKS SO MUCH. I don’t think I’ve had menstrual bleeding this severe since my teens.
It is just CONSTANT. Liquidly constant. I don’t know why it makes me feel so exhausted, because it’s the loss of a lining that was already built up, rather than live blood loss. But it’s making me really fatigued in the daytime again.
I am changing pads so often. The blood is going through and around my pads, I am changing my underwear itself during the day and not just the pads. It’s bloody awful. I don’t want to be in my wheelchair for long in case I leak on it, I am staying on the sofa with a towel under me. I’ve had to put a towel in my side of the bed, something I’m pretty sure I haven’t had to do since my teens.
Because there is such a ridiculous amount of blood, I’m worried I have fibroids or something going on again; because these technically increase the surface area inside the uterus, they can cause extra lining to build up and then be bled out.
This needs to end soon, not only because of Eurovision but because I have a hospital appointment soon and I can’t just be bleeding all over everything.
Also because it hurts and it sucks. I hate feeling a big glob of blood come out every time I cough or laugh or adjust position.
I managed to give myself 1st-degree burns from a hot water bottle as well! At first I thought it was just the red mottling that happens when you put a hot water bottle against you, but some of it is still there a day later and it’s sore.
And the EMOTIONAL consequences. So much dumb shit is making me cry buckets right now. E.g last week when I was playing The Sims, I needed to visit a graveyard. There was a dog grave there, and I noticed that someone had left a bag of dog food next to it. I thought, “oh, that must have been that dog’s favourite food in life.” And then I CRIED SO MUCH it was ridiculous.
It’s not even that I cried about a fictional dog, because there wasn’t even one of those, it was just a bunch of pixels built to resemble a grave and a bag of food, it was just for the background, there was never a corresponding dog to go with it. But I cried.
I guess in summary, I’m not having a good time of this, and while it’s a price I’ll pay if it means I’m losing weight, I’d also like it to not be like this again. I may invest in one of those Israeli Livia inventions if things are regularly like this.
Oddly I do quite like having a uterus (I even have this pin for my jacket on my wishlist), it’s a fascinating organ but also, please stop doing that.