I’m going through a weird thing at the moment where I’m just not sleeping properly. I sleep and nap a lot during migraines and during their “hangovers.” I have general disability fatigue.
But, something’s wrong. The gradual drifting-off-to-sleep kind of tiredness, is just not happening for me, quite a lot. I can stay up for 24 hours in a row and still not have heavy eyelids. I’ve come to the conclusion that my brain just isn’t releasing sleep hormone properly?
I don’t know if it’s connected to all the migraines. I think my brain is physically broken in some form. Everything is weird. My eye screening came back clear a while ago but I’ve noticed some semi-transparent black dots moving around with my vision.
I get pretty much constant visual aura at the moment, sometimes to the point when I can’t actually see. Even as I type, there are blue, green, and pink dots and swirls wherever I look, and the shadows of whatever object I am looking at, drag along my sight as I look away. And yet an actual migraine aura will involve much more extreme flashing and zigzagging and snowing.
I collapse sometimes. Not in my usual Dysautonomia fainting way. I mean that my legs just give out from under me when I’m stood up, and I find myself on the floor confused. My limbs are not very cooperative right now.
I am losing the ability to tell conversations in dreams apart from ones which happen in real life.
I vomit so much. I’m so nauseous all the time. I cannot emphasise how much this is affecting me.
There’s a difference between being ill and being disabled, but I am at the point where I am outright ILL. I am an ILL PERSON right now. Something is wrong with me.
It’s half seven in the morning, I didn’t go to bed last night, I haven’t napped and I’m still awake. I don’t know why. I think my brain forgot to tell me to sleep.
I guess I’ll mention it to my GP this week, though I’m not sure what will come of it. I know she was going to ring up my neurologist and bollock them about pushing my appointments back but I’m not sure if that’s happened and if so, what excuse was given. I just don’t know.