Yo, here’s some stuff that’s been happening.
This one’s probably boring, but a while ago, our toilet started running. You might have an amusing image in your head, but actually, it just means that our cistern was leaking and the toilet was essentially flushing itself about once a minute or so. Which is annoying while you are actually on it. It was also loud enough to hear from the bedroom while we were trying to sleep, but eventually we learned to tune it out.
Anyway, we finally got a plumber to come and see it after contacting the letting agent, and they’ve fixed it. I think the problem was that the flush valve seal had eroded. But it’s all sorted now, plus he fixed a leaky tap in the downstairs WC, so that was two birds with one stone, so to speak.
I’m still playing TR Chronicles, the Von Croy Industries levels are my least favourite so I’m going through them slowly.
You might remember that I harp on about my beloved Indorex a lot. It’s primarily a flea spray for the house and furniture, but it will also destroy other critters, including spiders. You’re meant to spray your skirting boards for fleas anyway, but I also recommend spraying the ceiling edges/ moulding and door frames, for spider prevention.
What happens when you don’t get around to doing this? THIS HAPPENS GUYS:
I can’t reach up that high, the spray won’t travel that far from my little arms, so it was one of those “I’ll get Will to do it at some point” things. But I forgot, and so one day, I was stumbling out of the bedroom after Will had left for work, and it caught my eye, even without my glasses, on, that expansive black blob against the beige, my nemesis himself, Ye Olde T. Gigantea.
My characteristically unobservant partner had somehow missed this monster hanging out above our stairs, and so I was caught unawares. I kept an eye on it while I used the bathroom and slowly got myself dressed. The spider moved a bit and I royally shat myself.
I don’t know why they and their bodies make me feel quite so ill. I hate the way their legs are. I hate how they bend right up over their bodies, and how their feet curve away from them like an elf shoe.
Being so close to this thing made me feel hot, and then sick. I thought I might genuinely faint from fear alone, at one point. I was shaking uncontrollably. It took 30 minutes for me to summon the bravery to get myself past it and then haul my ass down the rest of the stairs. I was so worried it was going to leap sideways off the wall and get me. It didn’t help that Freya kept sprinting up and down the stairs like an idiot, because she couldn’t understand what I was doing. I thought the spider could surely see her and might be prompted to jump off the wall. My spider catcher thing wasn’t upstairs, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to try and use it on a Gigantea anyway. I regretted not having a can of Indorex ready on each floor of the house; I have since remedied this.
The spider disappeared during the course of the day, probably back into whichever hole or cranny it had been living in for the rest of the year. If I remember correctly, you see them about suddenly in August because they are looking for a mate.
We didn’t find the spider when Will got home, but he sprayed where it had been and also generally in the other upstairs room. I didn’t get much sleep that night because I was so afraid it could be in our bedroom!
I’ve decided that we should engineer spiders to have dominant genes that will proliferate in the wild spider population. Those genes will . . . make spider legs sound like trumpets at 90 decibels so that we always know where they are. I imagine it sounding something like this when they walk.
But there’s a flaw with this: It would only make a noise when the spider was moving, so wouldn’t stop the unpleasant surprise I encountered when I left the bedroom that morning. So I’ve decided that spiders should also emit a constant blaring sound.
I got the perfect Letti shirt recently:
It’s hard to fit the whole slogan in a photo, and it’s hard to take photos of shirts generally when you sit down and your body cuts them off.
I’m more of a spirits person than a beer person, but if they put “spirits” on a shirt of this nature it may have been confused for the other kind!
I had wanted to wait until I was a thin person to buy this, but I was periodically keeping an eye on the site that sells them and a lot of them were becoming unavailable. I’m bummed that a dog-related top is no longer available in a good colour because I have taken so long. I wanted to get one of the Halloween designs in a baggy jumper style, but that was no longer available when I checked, so I thought, fuck it, I’m gonna have to order these t-shirts now or I’ll never get them, and they’ll just have to be super baggy on me when I’m a good size.
I went to the GP the other day too. It was a nurse appointment, mainly a diabetes review but the nurse also went into a bunch of other stuff, even though it wasn’t her area so she didn’t have to. She talked about my migraines and agreed that the neurologist has been taking the piss by pushing my urgent appointments back.
My bloods are still doing pretty OK at the moment. I also had my feet checked although sadly this surgery doesn’t seem to have the same pen-style pokey things as my old one. Those were fun.
We got my prescription and for some reason, they gave me two loads of Fluoxetine, and there’s a note on it saying it’s the last time I can request it. I’ve got another appointment soon so I’ll ask about it then. I just hope it’s not the work of that GP I spoke to for all of five minutes before he decided I should’t be taking anti-depressants.
And in other news, I was so mentally out of it after a migraine, that I poured instant pasta into a bowl, clean forgot that you are meant to add water and milk, put it in the microwave and set it on fire. The house was full of smoke, it smelled so bad that I was gagging and I couldn’t go into the kitchen for hours.
Also, Ben visited and he was wearing some traumatising calf chaps for some reason. And he used a sofa cushion to bolster his seat. Why Ben.
It’s Will’s birthday soon, exciting! He won’t tell me what he wants for a present though so I’m a bit lost on that front.