My weight stayed the same this last week. Which isn’t too unusual, I tend to plateau for ages and then suddenly lose a chunk. It makes me feel like I could be doing more, could be eating less. I eat actual food at the weekend and so my stomach is really painful. That’s standard Dysautonomia anyway but it makes me not want to eat food today. I’ve had a 72 calorie pack of “Puft” Hula Hoops so far, so light and airy yet so physically uncomfortable to eat. I might have a Tums at some point, although they make me feel quite ill.
I watched To The Bone on Netflix this morning and it reminded me how disordered my thinking is sometimes. They used actual anorexic actors but I found myself thinking that they weren’t really very thin and that some of their bones could do with sticking out a lot more. And I haven’t even got room to think that, I have some of the same habits as these people but nothing to show for it, I am a round ball.
I checked my BMI on the NHS website today and it’s now 34.7. This has come down a lot, I lost 40lbs after all. But I’m still officially Obese. Even though I eat so little that I can’t think and I need to sleep all day.
I’m not feeling very good in general. I had a bad migraine recently that really knocked me flat, and I got so dehydrated during it that I wound up with a bladder infection. This thankfully seems to have gone away and not become as bad as the other one. My bowels are leading a revolt against me and I constantly have a background headache when I’m not having migraines, and I need to sleep all the time. My hip joints hurt so much today that I can’t do the moving I need to do. Not that I have the energy for it anyway. I literally need to have a nap after posting this because I am falling asleep sitting here.
I have to feel like this all the time without even getting to be a thin person.
I just wish the body managed weight automatically.