Weight stuff

I reached 173 lbs the other day. I’m sure it fluctuates throughout the day due to eating/ drinking/ needing a poo. But it’s a number for where my body is.

I can’t lie to you, I have managed to lose almost 40 lbs by . . . *drumroll* . . . barely eating anything. That’s the way I lost weight last time too. And it still takes so long. I can have all my calories in healthy food, but I will only lose a few pounds and then plateau to the point of madness. The only thing to get my body to actually shift those numbers is to live on mug soup. I’m doing that 5 days a week at the moment, with the exception of the evening on date night because Will makes dinner. I eat solid food at the weekend although this makes me bloated and constipated for most of the following week.

Another frustrating thing about this is that I cannot see this 40 lbs missing from my body. I look the same. My face *might* be slightly thinner but that could also be wishful thinking. Could it be that it was 40 lbs of bloomin’ water that I lost, and all the fat is still there? I don’t know.

There is really no difference between these models of my start and current weight.

On top of being ill all the time anyway, eating so little means that I am so confused during the day that I barely remember my own name. I fall asleep even more because my body can’t deal with being awake. And still, I am not a thin person!

I painfully want to have these great tops from Lookhuman on my (newly-thin) body. They are bloody expensive though.

A very alarming price.

And of course I have to lose the weight first. 📉

(Yes, 96 lbs is a good weight for me at 4’11”)

I don’t think people realise how much weight is connected to happiness. I can see in clients’ faces that they don’t respect me, that they don’t want advice from a fat blob. I am exhausted by the constant assumption that I am disabled just because I am fat, when actually I became fat just because I am disabled. I know I’ll unlock a whole world of happiness the day that the scales read 96 lbs. It’s just hard getting there.

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