We’re about halfway through the year now and there are still plenty of things I haven’t done. Still plenty I want to do. I am conscious of veering ever closer towards 30 while still spending 5 or even 6 of the only 7 days in a week, sat in the living room (at best) on my own all day, in silence, staring at the walls or the faux social stimulation of the internet. Yeah, I’ve got Freya, but she’s retired, I try to ask her for as little as possible, which means I’m trapped in one spot all day. Also, dogs don’t talk back.
I’m conscious of more and more injuries refusing to reset themselves, torn muscles that hurt permanently and ribs that never go back to where they belong. People with Ehlers-Danlos can die between 30 and 40. It happens more than you care to think. Our organs split and our veins burst and every part of our body wibbles like jelly any time we make a move. So I want to do more things with my year.
Unfortunately most of those things involve acquiring money. I worked out a while ago that I could put about £80 into savings a month. I reasoned that after doing it a few times, I’d have money for a successor puppy (which will probably cost me about £750 depending on breeder). But it didn’t pan out like that. I always needed to spend that money on other things. My savings account has a grand total of £87. I didn’t get very far did I?
Nonetheless, I still have things that I want to do.
- Get a stairlift (£500 second-hand if I’m lucky? God knows what having it installed would be)
- Get a ramp for the front door (£1600 for the professional one, or get someone to make me a platform for a £200-£300 aluminium ramp)
- Get Will driving lessons
- Get a car (a 2nd-hand Ford Focus Estate would be fine, you can get one for as little as £495. I only really care about boot room for my foldable wheelchair and my dog)
- Get the ferry to Brittany. My current passport is completely unused and it bums me the hell out. One of the ferry options is St. Malo (Sant-Maloù), so I would probably stop there because it’s easier and less exhausting than having to travel further to a hotel. Also there is a GRAND AQUARIUM. 🦈
I would, if possible, like to get down to Carnac though. That’s the end my family are from and the menhirs are something you have to see. Legend has it they are a Roman legion turned to stone when they came for us.
- We’re having another BBQ at the end of August some time, a much more casual one that I am determined not to run around like a madman for. I think guests, quite reasonably, don’t notice 90% of the things that I do to my house in the run up to an event, so I need to chill. I would like it to run into the night time again though.
- Puppy. Somehow.
- We are going camping with Will’s mum at some point, which I look forward to, she’s buying a tent for it because that’s a £300-ish obstacle to us going otherwise.
- There’s Halloween 🎃 and stuff also but I feel like hosting things is a lot of stress to think about right now.
- Do the 23andMe kit (currently £149)
Although I’ve never gotten along with my immediate family and not had much opportunity to meet anybody wider, my ethnic origins have always been a point of fascination to me, although I can only go on things that either of my parents had said about where their families are from. It would be nice to have something on paper and maybe even track down wider people. I guess some part of me wants to have the traditional family feeling even though I’ve never really had a sense of it from the members I already know.
I wish we had the money to just do all of the above without even blinking. The worst thing is it’s my fault that we don’t. If I had gone into the same kind of programmy job as Will, if we were on the same kind of dual income, we would be so comfortable. But instead I lost my fucking mind and don’t have have the skills left for any job. And that’s not even taking into account being physically decrepit.
So, God knows how the above is going to happen on a single income. But they need to because I am quite miserable right now.