All the things I never do

Recently someone told me that I “never do anything around the house aside from hoover occasionally.” Not most days, not even weekly, “occasionally.” And this person could honestly not think of a single other thing that I do. Not even when they thought about it. (Not even doing the laundry, I mean seriously, that’s an obvious one). This is obviously a pretty wounding statement considering I am trapped at home all the time. Partly for my own sanity, I’ve decided to make a log of the things I do around the house each day. I don’t know how long I’ll feel like doing it for.

To be honest, I’m not sure how households where everyone is healthy enough to work actually function. How does anything get cleaned? Do people actually want to get home from work and wipe the oven? Surely it just never happens unless you have a dedicated homemaker? Anyway.

Here are the things I have done on the listed dates, interspersed with fainting, napping, lying down, and crying about how much pain I’m in.

Mon 20th Feb

Cleaned bedside tables
Fed the dog
Let the dog out to pee
Reorganised white chest in dining room
Cleaned the lounge tables
Lit incense in lounge
Wiped brown marks from radiator
Took in a parcel
Washed the vacuum filters
Cleaned out the vacuum chamber
Cleaned burnt food off the oven hobs

Tue 21st Feb

Did usual daily dog things
Put a wash on (laundry)
Hung the washing
Washed up (dishes)
Tidied the coat rack
Brushed the dog

Wed 22nd Feb

Put a wash on
Hung the washing
Hoovered
Tidied dining room
Helped chop an onion
Washed up
Swept kitchen

Thu 23rd Feb
Washed up
Wiped kitchen sides
Hoovered
Air-freshened
Bleached toilets

Fri 24th Feb
Put a wash on
Hung the washing
Washed up
Tidied the lounge

Sat 25th Feb
Planted sunflowers
Put clean clothes away
Got rid of bedroom boxes
Put wash on, twice
Hung washing, twice
Brushed Freya
Washed up

Sun 26th Feb
Wiped bathroom sink
Wiped bath
Wiped TableMate
Cleared lounge table
Emptied bins
Hoovered (with Will taking over because I was passing out)

Mon 27th Feb
Had a hospital appt and was too ill for anything else RE: vomiting and diarrhoea

Tue 28th Feb
Continued illness problems

Wed 1st Mar
Put a wash on, but still too much nausea for much else

The rest of these are updated from memory and notes in my planner:

Thu 2nd Mar
Tore up old cardboard boxes to make them easier to fit in the recycling
Washed up

Fri 3rd Mar
Hoovered

Sat 4th Mar
Folded clothes away
Dusted upstairs sideboards
Washed the dog’s upstairs bed

Sun 5th Mar
Dusted bookshelf
Dusted bathroom
Bathed the dog
Washed the bath mat
Washed the downstairs dog bed
Dusted downstairs sideboards

Mon 6th Mar
Washed the sofa throw and Slanket
Also had a hospital appointment that day so didn’t do much

Tue 7th Mar
Mopped hard floors downstairs
Wiped fridge
Tidied dining room shelves
Wiped the sideboard
Hoovered upstairs landing and bedrooms

Wed 8th Mar
Washed WC mat and towel
Washed entrance doormat and strip of carpet
Brushed and trimmed the dog
Did a big hoover of the lounge (underneath dog bed etc.)
Hoovered dining room

Thu 9th Mar
Wiped sinks and surfaces
Wiped lounge tables and surfaces
Wiped door glass
Hoovered a lot as we also had a property inspection

Fri 10th Mar
Put in cistern blocks and bleached toilets
Put washing away and folded down washing line
Generally tidied things as they appeared

Sat 11th Mar
Used Neutradol powder on lounge carpet, hoovered lounge
Hoovered dining room, used Carpet Fresh
Washed up
Put drying up away
Wiped surfaces
Wiped hobs
Put folding chairs out of the way
Etc.

Basically, if you read all that and come up with “hoovers occasionally,” you might be a cunt.

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