Recently someone told me that I “never do anything around the house aside from hoover occasionally.” Not most days, not even weekly, “occasionally.” And this person could honestly not think of a single other thing that I do. Not even when they thought about it. (Not even doing the laundry, I mean seriously, that’s an obvious one). This is obviously a pretty wounding statement considering I am trapped at home all the time. Partly for my own sanity, I’ve decided to make a log of the things I do around the house each day. I don’t know how long I’ll feel like doing it for.
To be honest, I’m not sure how households where everyone is healthy enough to work actually function. How does anything get cleaned? Do people actually want to get home from work and wipe the oven? Surely it just never happens unless you have a dedicated homemaker? Anyway.
Here are the things I have done on the listed dates, interspersed with fainting, napping, lying down, and crying about how much pain I’m in.
Mon 20th Feb
Cleaned bedside tables Fed the dog Let the dog out to pee Reorganised white chest in dining room Cleaned the lounge tables Lit incense in lounge Wiped brown marks from radiator Took in a parcel Washed the vacuum filters Cleaned out the vacuum chamber Cleaned burnt food off the oven hobs
Tue 21st Feb
Did usual daily dog things Put a wash on (laundry) Hung the washing Washed up (dishes) Tidied the coat rack Brushed the dog
Wed 22nd Feb
Put a wash on Hung the washing Hoovered Tidied dining room Helped chop an onion Washed up Swept kitchen
Thu 23rd Feb Washed up Wiped kitchen sides Hoovered Air-freshened Bleached toilets
Fri 24th Feb Put a wash on Hung the washing Washed up Tidied the lounge
Sat 25th Feb Planted sunflowers Put clean clothes away Got rid of bedroom boxes Put wash on, twice Hung washing, twice Brushed Freya Washed up
Sun 26th Feb Wiped bathroom sink Wiped bath Wiped TableMate Cleared lounge table Emptied bins Hoovered (with Will taking over because I was passing out)
Mon 27th Feb Had a hospital appt and was too ill for anything else RE: vomiting and diarrhoea
Tue 28th Feb Continued illness problems
Wed 1st Mar Put a wash on, but still too much nausea for much else
The rest of these are updated from memory and notes in my planner:
Thu 2nd Mar Tore up old cardboard boxes to make them easier to fit in the recycling Washed up
Fri 3rd Mar Hoovered
Sat 4th Mar Folded clothes away Dusted upstairs sideboards Washed the dog’s upstairs bed
Sun 5th Mar Dusted bookshelf Dusted bathroom Bathed the dog Washed the bath mat Washed the downstairs dog bed Dusted downstairs sideboards
Mon 6th Mar Washed the sofa throw and Slanket Also had a hospital appointment that day so didn’t do much
Tue 7th Mar Mopped hard floors downstairs Wiped fridge Tidied dining room shelves Wiped the sideboard Hoovered upstairs landing and bedrooms Wed 8th Mar Washed WC mat and towel Washed entrance doormat and strip of carpet Brushed and trimmed the dog Did a big hoover of the lounge (underneath dog bed etc.) Hoovered dining room
Thu 9th Mar Wiped sinks and surfaces Wiped lounge tables and surfaces Wiped door glass Hoovered a lot as we also had a property inspection
Fri 10th Mar Put in cistern blocks and bleached toilets Put washing away and folded down washing line Generally tidied things as they appeared Sat 11th Mar Used Neutradol powder on lounge carpet, hoovered lounge Hoovered dining room, used Carpet Fresh Washed up Put drying up away Wiped surfaces Wiped hobs Put folding chairs out of the way Etc.
Basically, if you read all that and come up with “hoovers occasionally,” you might be a cunt.