To summarise my week, I had two appointments within a day of each other, which was a little bit hectic.
The first was Audiology, which I’ve now been discharged from because I get along fine with my hearing aids. I do still find them a bit overwhelming but apparently that’s OK. And I still need to go back every few months to have the tubes changed.
The second appointment was ENT, a.k.a. Ears, Nose, and Throat, which was basically to look at the physical end of things with my ears. To be honest, all the guy could do was look in my ears and tell me that the infection I had all of the previous week was completely gone. So he couldn’t tell me why I had the infection, because there’s nothing there now. Dry skin in the ear canal can apparently cause a lot of infections, it might be why I get them so often, but he couldn’t be certain. It’s definitely something that’s existed prior to hearing aids, anyway.
From the physical examination that he did do, he also couldn’t tell me why I’ve gone deaf. It might be because Ehlers-Danlos made things too squishy. It might be because of the fainting, apparently a lot of rapid blood loss from the head, repeated over time, can make people go deaf. It might still be APD. Basically, they don’t know, and there’s no way to tell right now. So I’ve been discharged from ENT too. At least it made the appointment quick.
I kind of wish that appointments were still the most stressful thing going on. Because the politics of this life are making me physically fucking ill. They show that nobody really gives a single fucking shit about you, that they will support people who call for your death because it makes them feel morally superior to do so. They will back people who hate you just to safeguard their politically-enlightened appearance. That is literally the most important thing to them. Not your life or your terror.
It’s not even that they don’t give a shit about you. It’s that they must actually fucking HATE you, in order to do it. Because you can’t tolerate shit that endangers somebody you love. You just can’t. So they don’t love you at all, they hate you. Obviously they’re hoping that this politician will make laws that kill you, because they haven’t got the balls to do it themselves.
It must be hate. What other than hate would make people back a man who hosts Iranian television, who takes phone calls from viewers discussing how they can rid the world from Jews? How the fuck can you live with doing that?
“Most of us have entire careers without working for companies that are banned from the UK over their links to torture.
But not Corbyn.“
“Corbyn’s excuses ran out in January 2012. That was when Ofcom banned Press TV and fined the organisation £100,000 ($132,695) for broadcasting Bahari’s forced confession and because its editorial decisions were being made in Tehran and not by independent journalists in the UK, a broadcast licence requirement. Press TV didn’t pay the fine.
People on the left should be against torture, against forced confessions, and against media outlets that are controlled by Islamic republics that abuse human rights. “
How the fuck is this OK with everybody? How the fuck is this acceptable, even when you don’t include the plotting-to-murder-Jews? If Farage or Cameron or Boris did this, we wouldn’t be surprised, but everybody would also be fucking furious.
I must mean so fucking little if people are standing shoulder-to-shoulder with a man that wants me to die. And they twirl it in their heads so much. Oh, it’s media disinformation, oh, the BBC must hate him. Media disinformation was not what made him stand on Iranian television. He chose to do that. He also chose to march with fucking Hezbollah. He chose to tell lies about the West Bank. The BBC didn’t make him. These were his life choices based on his own hateful views.
I just feel so stupid, because you know what? Recently, for the first time in fucking years – maybe even more than a decade, I don’t actually know – I decided I wanted to live. I’ve spent so long wanting to die, waiting for it to happen, and then, in the middle of the night in bed, I had an epiphany, and I burst into tears. I realised I wanted to live, that I wanted to get to having a house and marrying Will and having a family. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but for the first time in as long as I could remember, I wanted to FIGHT.
And it was stupid, because nobody wants me to do this. They couldn’t support somebody so awful if they wanted me around. It just makes Farage look so fucking dignified, at least he’d tell me to my face that he hates me for being a Jew. He doesn’t lie about which groups he hates.