My ruined day

I should preface this by pointing out that I haven’t had Fluoxetine since Thursday morning. It’s now Tuesday afternoon. That’s a long time to go without the tablets that I need in order to even think properly. I am already in a really foul mood. But people manage to make it worse.

I was entering Asda when somebody said “Ew, have you seen that wheelchair?” to whoever they were with. I, a person with Moderate-Severe Deafness, managed to hear that much. There were probably many more remarks throughout the day that I didn’t hear. Inside Asda, there were people who are much more alternative than me; they have arms full of tattoos and a lot more piercings. They scowled at me and laughed. Didn’t they learn not to treat people like that? Didn’t they learn from getting an earful of judgement every time they step out the door? Like, I’m fucking sorry that I need to be sat down. I’m sorry that my joints dislocate. I’m sorry my nervous system makes me faint if I’m upright. But no amount of being sorry is going to change my physical situation. I’ve already tried. I am already repulsed by everything about myself, and that hasn’t turned me into a perfect able-bodied person who doesn’t do anything scowl-worthy. Unless you are actively working on a cure can you not view me with such fucking disdain please.

Adding to that, I got an email last night that makes me want to pack my whole charity in and I honestly can’t think of a way to respond to it without a whole lot of fucking swearing.

I left the house in the first place because I had a contact lens checkup. You have to attend it in order to avoid having your lens deliveries cut off. My left eye’s magnification has gone up again but everything with my eyes is fine.

But after that I made the mistake of going to Asda to get Pringles in for Kadek’s Eurovision party. Which I am probably going to ruin in some form just by continuing to be alive frankly.

The tree is getting lovely flowers.

Will tried to mow the grass but it turns out the landlord’s lawnmower doesn’t actually turn on.

Dogs are pretty and non-judgemental.

Continuing my series of poor life decisions, I decided to try doing a YouTube. The fact that Youtube is putting loads of “most embarassing tattoos” videos in the related column is probably a huge hint.

And yes, the video highlights how very shockingly fat I am. Do you know what I’ve eaten today?

I will also eat whatever Will makes for dinner, but it won’t be all that much in terms of calories. I eat like this all the time, although during passover it was rice cakes instead of bread. I’ve stopped even having cheese. I am still fat as all hell. So yes, I’ve noticed, and no, I really don’t think I can be doing anything else about it.

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