I don’t know who I am

First, some really good news: the deposit for my new chair has been paid and I’ll be having a demo of one on Tuesday, and they will hopefully have enough stock in the van to give me one there and then. New chair!! Is it weird that I already know what I’m going to call it?

Anyway. Recently I came across the new blog of somebody that I used to follow a long time ago, when I was more Gothically inclined. She, too, is no longer Goth and is currently trying to find the right style for her. It made me realise something I’ve been ignoring: I have no idea who I am.

I have no idea what my style is. I mean, I was one of those Goths a long time ago. Probably way too young; I had big ridiculous dresses when I was about 11. My style gradually tapered down to being a lot of plain black stuff, and then gradually becoming a “normie” once I passed 20. I told myself, at the time, that it was because the big dresses and elaborate eyeshadow were too much physical upkeep. But I think I must have known that it wasn’t really me. I still like how the various Goth styles look on other people, but it’s not for me.

So what IS for me? I don’t bloody know, and that’s my problem. I just don’t know where to begin. It probably doesn’t help that I spend 99.9% of my life trapped indoors, in pyjamas, and with a non-pyjama t-shirt on my top half if I’m lucky.
Even when I actually have to go out, or have people over, I never know what to throw on my body. I own clothes, of course, but something always feels a bit amiss. It would be easier if I wasn’t fat, for sure, because then I wouldn’t hate absolutely everything on me, even if it might actually suit me.

Even if I don’t know what is me, I think I know what definitely isn’t. I can see things of certain colours or cuts and just know, they would not look good on me. A bright pink, tight-fitting party dress, for example, is not a Letti outfit.
Shortly after I wrote my Life is Strange post and got all emotional about that, my sister brought over my old jewellery box and I found a bunch of stuff in it. Including, my half of the old “Best Friend” necklace. The chain had pink beads over it, and I was struck by how it really wouldn’t have been either of our styles, but we must have worn it anyway.
So I know what definitely doesn’t suit me. Although I imagine I must still have plenty of outfits that look horrid and I’m just blissfully unaware.

I finally made one of those Polyvore thingies and tried to create a sense of style that, God-willing, might actually suit me.

Style idea

On the actual Polyvore site you can hover over the things to see which items they are, although bear in mind I didn’t choose them for the exact product they are, but rather their colour and style (also I don’t have £200 to spend on any one of these items?!).

I think I very obviously like comfortable things. I know that dark claret tops look OK on me; I have a long-sleeved Joe Browns top and Will seemed to think it was one of the best things he’d ever seen me in.

I think “Having my colours done” would help a lot. I’m never entirely sure if I’m a cold or warm-toned person. I think silver chains look better on me than gold, I think my veins are more blue toned than green, but colour-analysis people online always say things like “natural redheads are warm-toned.” So I think somebody just needs to take a look at me frankly.

I’ve heard that “jewel colours” are good for “cool-toned” people. While I don’t know that I definitely am cool-toned, I think things like emerald, dark red, rich purple etc. might look OK on me. Which is why I went for the emerald cardigan up in the image. I think I’d be doing OK if I found myself a nice emerald cardigan. I do own some cardigans now, but only one or two of them are actually a good colour, cut and fit for me.
Basically I need to order a Clothes for Charity bag and have a good go-over of my wardrobe. Losing all my fat would also help a bunch.

PS: Do tell me if you think the kind of stuff shown above is not actually “my style” at all.


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