I’m having arm surgery!
I’m finally having my arm surgery soon! I’ve been waiting a good few years so this is a positive development, but it will affect a few things in life. Can’t remember how much I’ve mentioned of this before and how useful that was, so I may as well explain it all in one place. I am very medically-squeamish and will probably get queasy writing this, so I’ll try and keep as much of the gore out of it as possible.
What is the surgery for? It’s for cubital tunnel release, a.k.a. moving my ulnar nerve, but also, carpal tunnel release. I’m not sure exactly what they’re doing for the latter, because when the doctor was explaining it and prodding me in the arm, I starting getting very hot and faint, and then heaved a lot. I just know it involves cutting something in my wrist.
I’ve not exactly had the strongest hands ever, but I started noticing extra problems a good few years ago. Like when I was trying to turn the key in the backdoor, or move my wheelchair joystick, my hand would just, stop responding. I described it to my GP of the time and she said it sounded like my ulnar nerve was trapped, so I went on to have a nerve conduction study, which involved being hilariously electrocuted in the arm. This showed that not only did I have cubital tunnel syndrome, but also some carpal tunnel syndrome that I didn’t even suspect!
It was immediately apparent that surgical intervention would be necessary, because I can’t just reduce the amount I bend my arm; aside from doing almost all of my work at my computer, my arm is at 90 degrees when controlling my chair.
What caused cubital tunnel in the first place? We can’t be certain, but a lot of other Cushing’s Disease patients end up with it, often in both arms! So it seems hormones have a role, and mine have been kicking my ass for a long time. But I have a few medical conditions that cause a domino-effect of interlinking symptoms, so we will likely never know exactly what caused which thing.
Needless to say, I’m extremely anxious about having these done. I’m a traumatophobe. Because of all my interlocking issues, I need to go under general anaesthesia, which is another layer of risk and fear. I obviously need to have the surgery done, so I don’t have to live with the symptoms, or risk permanent damage to my hand and arm. I’ve also had symptoms start spreading along to my spine. I liked the quote we got from the doctor at an appointment about this, which was pretty much “nerves are wires that can’t do maths.” I have no idea what that means.
So aside from the fact that I’m scared of the surgery itself, what’s the big deal? Well. I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO USE MY DOMINANT HAND AND ARM FOR MONTHS.
You can probably understand why this terrifies me. No typing, writing, clicking a mouse, pressing buttons, holding anything. I’ll have to rely on Will a lot more for things I can normally get by with. I wear a lot of loose stretchy clothes so I won’t need so much help dressing; without one arm I won’t be able to even do that. And apparently I should also be investing in some EXTRA loose clothes, otherwise it’s impossible to get them on without pain.
I need Will’s help to have a proper shower, but I often have “light” showers where I sit on my stool and wash myself as best I can, even though I can’t do much scrubbing. Those are out for potentially months.
Even if I use my off-hand to peel open my contact lens pods, I won’t be able to grip the pod with the other hand while I do that. Have a quick stroll around your house with your dominant hand behind your back, and look at all the stuff you can’t interact with; terrifying, right?
I’m hoping it won’t be as bad as that. I’ve been searching for other people’s experiences; some people are like “I could play videogames 4 days later, just turn the controller vibration off,” and others are like, “I couldn’t use my arm for months.”
Hopefully I’ll be more in the first category. Because I have serious and unserious things to do.
Apparently, even after arm movement returns, the symptoms of the nerve entrapment can actually continue on for 2 years after surgery!
On paper, I like the idea of having other surgeries. Like pituitary surgery (just take the whole thing out at this point), removing my enlarged ovary (which might be a hormone-producing tumour in itself), and having Implantable Collamer Lens surgery, so I can stop wearing contact lenses and having the driest eyes on the planet (that would cost about £8,000 though, so that’s a lot of voiceovers I gotta record).
Anyway, as for other stuff;
The RE3 charity stream was great and we went over the fundraising target! So thank you to everyone who donated. I expected to finish last, but actually, I was second to last, lol. I had a moment of confusion with Carlos that cost me valuable time. Also, I watched all the cutscenes, which probably didn’t help. Some people apparently didn’t finish, so I guess the race was technically still ongoing if they wanted to pick it up another time.
We were also dog-sitting recently so had two doofus Samoyeds staying with us again. And it turns out we were right not to get rid of plants that looked like they might’ve been a weed, because it seems they are actually Night-Flowering Catchfly!
And of course there’s some more general gaming news.
So hopefully it all goes OK. I’m scared, but this is the only way to get full use of my hand back. Unless you’re the kind of person I have literal video calls with, you probably won’t hear much from me for a while, because I will be tired and grumpy and unable to press buttons. I have some content scheduled in advance (although most of my content these days is scheduled anyway), so I won’t totally vanish, but I expect I’ll spend a lot of time asleep. I don’t really know what to expect.
I heard about a woman who said absolutely unhinged shit because of the anaesthetic and then just squatted and peed in front of her surgeon; I am indeed also worried I might do this.
Stay spooky y’all.
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