I guess we’re staying for now

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We were prepared for the possibility of getting a flight to Israel at 5 in the morning. Thankfully that didn’t happen. Will went to bed after a weird date night, I stayed up cleaning because the landlords were due to inspect us in the morning, and I had the election broadcast on the TV in the background. If it was a Labour, majority, I was going to go and wake Will up.

 

I’m genuinely surprised it wasn’t a hung parliament. I was expecting some mix of assorted chaos, but I could live with it as long as Corbyn wasn’t in charge of everything. I’m stunned that so many swathes of people voted for the Conservatives. My wishful thinking is that everyone voted for whoever they disliked the least because Britain wasn’t actually prepared to let us suffer under Labour. But who knows what everyone was really thinking.

 

And no, Jews did not swing this election. There are 200,000 Jews in the UK, in a population of nearly 70 million people. 50% of those Jews were prepared to leave. Of those 200,000 Jews here, plenty will be children and elderly and other people who were never going to be at the polls. Gentiles are and always were in charge of everything.

 

So, leaving the country is no longer an emergency. But I’m still not sure where we’ll end up living in the long term. I’ll never feel fully safe. I’d rather live under missile fire in Israel and I don’t think people realise the gravity of that.

 

I just hope Johnson realises he can’t get by on being less disliked than a national socialist. He needs to actually not fuck the public over. But he probably will.

Although I feel like we’re less likely to be imminently murdered, it’s a surreal situation because I’m still vulnerable on several other fronts. Including being an actual disabled person who now only gets £200 a month as my entire income because the DWP has pulled out of their arse that they think I can walk 50 metres willy nilly. Our house and garden together don’t even make 20 metres never mind 50, so it’s impossible for me to ever do it and we all know I’d be a heap of assorted bones if I tried anyway.

It would be nice if Johnson would tell the DWP to fuck off, would get rid of work capability assessments and just rely on a statement from someone’s doctor that they qualify as a disabled person under the Equality Act 2010, would sort out NHS funding and not charge me at least £500 for each migraine injection, never mind everything else I have to visit the hospital for. I don’t think he’ll do any of it. But he won’t kill me for being a Jew. I have to take what I can get.

 

Having said that, we were in plenty of danger before when Corbyn still wasn’t Prime Minister. Moving to Andover brought so much fucking drama into our lives. There was a swastika on our shed, the SS symbol in our (inside our house) downstairs toilet, someone tried loudly kicking our back door in one night. In January, almost a year ago, I nearly died in hospital because of the antics of two avid Corbynistas making us as miserable as possible (according to their own friends). This is a grim time of year for me probably indefinitely. And it’ll be an ongoing conflict forever because I’m never allowed to defend myself. I’ll never vote Labour again as long as I live.

 

I’m glad we don’t have to leave in a hurry. I don’t know where I’m supposed to live for the rest of my life. I want to buy a nice house with Will and his family. I want cats and dogs and ducks and chickens and snails. If we got a place that was sufficiently in the country we could get peafowl and guinea fowl and rheas. But I think, in my heart, I know that England won’t keep me.

Moving to Israel properly is difficult because I’m Zera Yisrael. Japan might be an easier destination while I sort my status out. I wouldn’t go to Brittany, unfortunately. France is almost as fucked as England and Jews are leaving in droves.

Regardless, Will wants to wait at least 6 months before we think about moving to Israel. He wants to do everything properly and sort out the tenancy here, whereas I’m very much a get-on-the-plane-with-a-carry-on-and-figure-it-out-when-we-land person about this.

 

I guess we’ll just have to face each day and see what happens. See what we have to do as each thing comes. I just have to try and trust in God and hope I have clarity when I need it. I just don’t know. I wish I could see what could happen in the rest of my life and what my options are. Then I could plan out the best decisions for us. I hate the eternal uncertainty.

It would be nice if England actually just had a fairly uneventful 5 years or so instead of constant tension. But who fucking knows.

 

 

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